So now, the stage is set for Round 2. This should be fun. In honor of my new favorite TV show - "American Gladiators", we'll adopt a motif for this week. As usual we have the two elite teams - for argument's sake we'll call them the Gladiators (Patriots and Colts), two higher-tier teams that could challenge them - let's call them the Contenders (Cowboys and Packers), and we have four teams trying to upset one of them - I don't have a clever Gladiator-themed name for those teams (Chargers, Jaguars, Giants, Seahawks).
(Titan and the other Gladiators provide the theme for this week's picks.)
Image courtesy NBC
Event 1 - Joust (Packers vs. Seahawks, Sat. 4:30 pm, Fox)
On paper at least, this seems to be the most evenly-matched game of the week, so it's the one most likely to be a joust.
Last week, Seattle survived a scare from the Todd Collins-led Redskins when Collins threw his "first interceptions in ten years", as the color guy on Westwood One Radio so aptly described to us on the way back from Canada. Seattle did not play their best game. What to expect from them against Green Bay?
Well, if they want to beat GB in Lambeau, they're going to have to "want the ball and...score", in Matt Hasselbeck's own words. The question is...how? With D.J. Hackett as the No. 2 receiver? With the corpse of Shaun Alexander at RB? With Destiny and every possible fate on the side of Green Bay? At Lambeau?
I don't think so. Crush will knock Seattle right off of the jousting platform and into the water for 10 big points in this one, brother.
The Pick: Packers 31, Seahawks 16
Event 2 - Pyramid (Patriots vs. Jaguars, Sat. 8:00 pm, CBS)
Playing the Patriots is sort of like climbing the gladiator pyramid - you need your A game to get to the top, you need to be smart, and you'll probably end up being launched into a flying tackle to the bottom of the pyramid at some point and have to start over.
Awesome as the Jaguars-Steelers game was on Saturday, they're still not going to break out of a deficit (0-4 in games where they fell behind by more than a TD). They're a strong, ball-control team, and as Aaron Schatz of footballoutsiders.com said this week, "They look like a team of destiny that picked the wrong year to be the team of destiny." Any other year, I'd ride Jacksonville.
But not against these Patriots. Justice will throw these guys off the pyramid repeatedly and they won't be getting any points.
The Pick: Patriots 38, Jaguars 17
Event 3 - Hang Tough (Colts vs. Chargers, Sun. 1:00 pm, CBS)
Hang Tough is exactly what San Diego will have to do if they're to beat the Colts again. If you'll recall, they managed to beat them by two points on two special-teams TDs, six Manning interceptions, and a missed FG by Adam Vinatieri.
Do you see that happening again? Expect Venom to pull her double-suplex or whatever it is she calls it to flip SD into the water, denying them any points in this challenge.
(Side note: Will ANYONE be going to the Ball State vs. Central Michigan basketball game that's taking place during this time slot?)
The Pick: Colts 35, Chargers 20
Event 4 - Earthquake (Cowboys vs. Giants, Sun. 4:30 pm, Fox)
There's so much going on here that it feels like an earthquake. Eli potentially not sucking on the road in a big game, Tony Romo trying to justify doing something as horrible as take his incredibly hot girlfriend on a vacation, T.O. possibly playing well below 100 percent, Wade Phillips improbably coaching for his job, and Plaxico trying to remind people that he exists.
There's too much pointing against the Cowboys in this game. For one thing, I haven't taken an underdog yet, and one of the top seeds always gets bounced in this round. For another, Dallas is banged up. For a third, Romo apparently is a lothario. For a fourth, Eli may be transformed into his brother for a playoff season.
I have to do the unthinkable. Eli, the contender, will manage to throw Toa off the rotating circle and score himself 10 big points, brother.
The Pick: Giants 24, Cowboys 19
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